Theory of Love – Men V Women

As they say, women are from Venus and men are from Mars. I agree, but what makes it interesting is we have to deal all that here on earth.

Have you ever observed the approach taken towards the life’s most important goal, to find true love? Well, if you have, you might have a hint that they are quite different for men and women just as most decisions.  I am making an effort here to explain that using the theory of human motivation using the Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and speculate a theory of love that men and women take exactly the opposite path to find true love.

Before we get to the theory of love, you may want to understand what is Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Know this already? please feel free to skip.

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is a description of the needs that motivate human behavior. In 1943, Abraham Maslow proposed five different kinds of human needs, beginning with the most basic: survival. Physiological needs, such as food and shelter, are followed by needs related to safety. Next, there are needs of love and belonging. Fourth, humans have needs of esteem, such as the need for being respected. The final need in the hierarchy is the need for self-actualization (fulfilling one’s potential). The hierarchy suggests that basic needs must be met prior to less basic needs; for example, a starving person will seek food before self-actualization.

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs

You can get to more details here. Or you can google it as I did.

Theory of love. 

Extending on the Maslow’s theory of needs for Motivation, here is a speculation, the theory of love.

Hierarchy of needs for love. The speculation.

As you can see per the speculation men and women take exactly opposite routes to reach to their true love. Maybe that is how it was meant to be as they are indeed opposite.

Now, as we understand per the theory of motivation, a basic need should be satisfied for an individual to aspire a higher one. Same holds good for the theory of love and all needs will have to be realized sequentially. Any need dissatisfied leads to a breakup, or should I say must lead to a break to avoid disaster later? The breakup will be a temporary setback and you have to start all over again to find your true love. If you happen to be lucky enough in this lifetime to meet your true love and all the needs are satisfied and you reach the top of the love ladder, congratulations. Congratulations you will achieve something great in life as the major milestone of your life is already taken care of and you can go conquer the world with the greatest supported by your side who really loves you against every evens and odds.

The love ladder – Female.

I. Physiological: Friendship

A woman always starts it slow and makes only enough indication that she is interested and let the man take the bait and make the move. More often than not, the first level of evaluation is done already and the bait never returns without a fish.  There are thousands more of evaluation as the conversation starts, but the most important one is can this man even be a friend of mine. A success in this step is woman and man are friends, talk over phone few times a week and few movies/dinner dates in a month.

II. Safety: Personal Space

A woman will not let the man into her life so easily and it has to be a perfect phase to get deeper into a relationship. If a man calls four times, she returns only twice. To plan a weekend movie or any date for a man its like taking an appointment and he may get the next weekend or next month. Do you agree “The more you stay away the more you are desired”? A woman needs her personal space and time. A woman loves the feeling of being highly desired which is directly proportional to the amount time a man can wait. So if a man holds on enough, let us take another step.

III. Love and belonging: Family and Friends

This stage is the common step and is same for men and woman. Now there are talks in your internal groups and close members of the family about you as a couple. You know most of each other’s friends and close family members. This is where you start to see the future, future as a couple. The friend groups and family will tell a lot about the person and how the person will lead his rest of life. Now you know the person, person’s past and maybe a view of future, you make serious commitments or take a pass. Now things will actually hurt. It will not be easy to return from here. It will get along unless there is an unbreakable issue that can get passed through you, your friends and family.

IV. Esteem: Trust and Respect

A woman is an integral part of the man life. She deserves to know everything in his life. She starts respected and trusted if the man takes her account in every decision and major for sure. A woman also wants the same respect and trust considering the fact now that both man and woman know almost everything about each other now. A woman does not like to be judged by her behavior. A woman should be just trusted for her deeds and respect her for being herself.

V. Self-actualization: Sex

This is the union, a woman decides to let herself be one with the man. Sex would be a loose word here but, it is more of a realization of two bodies being one. This the highest level of comfort where a woman is completely herself with her man(lighter note naked and no makeup.). A woman loves the man unrestricted and she now has reached to point that she completely understands herself in this relationship. A woman has attained self-actualization. 

Roadmap to true love – Female.

The love ladder – Male.

I. Physiological: Sex

Man will be friends with a woman, anyone, anytime and anyplace like there are unlimited free electrons to hook. So, that is taken care of the start. No matter how cult it feels, the first impression of a man is “Yaar, look at her body she is so hot and (“after 5 to 10  seconds once his eyes reach her face”) and beautiful”. Man cannot think about sex even though he makes all the effort. All the effort is direct towards this goal to get laid. After all, it is important to get to know the person and cannot get stuck with the thought of sex blocking.

II. Safety: Trust and Respect

Man will now trust the woman and starts sharing and makes her important part of his life. He starts making promises and declarations and full effort to keep up to all of that. A man also has respect for her and counts her in for advice and decisions. As an example, you might have observed the way things related to sex are mentioned before and now. Now it means something and is given its respect. If a man continues to wrap and hug the woman after sex and makes a conversation no matter how sweaty, then the man has started falling for that woman. Now with this respect, the man actually starts changing and takes life more seriously.

III. Love and belonging: Family and Friends

This stage is the common step and is same for men and woman. Now there are talks in your internal groups and close members of the family about you as a couple. You know most of each other’s friends and close family members. This is where you start to see the future, future as a couple. The friend groups and family will tell a lot about the person and how the person will lead his rest of life. Now you know the person, person’s past and maybe a view of future, you make serious commitments or take a pass. Now things will actually hurt. It will not be easy to return from here. It will get along unless there is an unbreakable issue that can get passed through you, your friends and family.

IV. Esteem: Personal Space

The man now loves the woman show much that he is convinced that she understands him completely. His action sometime in this state might feel that he takes her for granted. But in reality it the level of comfort that man feels with and around that woman. He thinks that she can listen to his heart. So, he does not include her explicitly in matters, as she is default part of him as per the man. He does feel to have updates and approvals like before as the woman already know what he likes and he does that. The artificial formalities are all gone.  

V. Self-actualization: Friendship

This is the final state, the woman becomes the best friend of the man. A woman now knows all the secrets/desires, strengths/weakness, and likes/hates of the man. Time, place and things do not matter now in your relationship. A man at this stage feels that the “woman is exactly like me, she is me, We are one”. Thus, Man has attained himself, self-actualization. 

Roadmap to true love – Male

I wish I could conclude here on an ideal approach, but it never was meant to be easy and it can never be. So keeping playing and let me know your theory of love.

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